As I stop and think back at life and where we have been and look forward to where we are going, I can't help but get a little sad. Did I stop and smell the flowers? Did I relish every possible minute with my kids? Was I the best mom I could be?
I registered Kennedee for high school this week and she has gotten a few emails from colleges requesting her to come to their camps this summer. It really seems like just yesterday that we sat on the side lines of her first soccer game when she was 5.
I watched Madison out in the yard today as I played catch with her and was amazed at how grown up she is. I still remember the new baby smell as I held her in the hospital and looked down at her tiny little body and was amazed at how little she was and at how she scared me to hold her. I can still hear the rocking chair creak as I rocked her EVERY night singing to her, praying for her to feel better so we could both get some sleep.
I am so proud of my kids for the people they are becoming, not for their accomplishments but just for them being who the are. In 3 short years we will be getting Kennedee ready to graduate and to send her off to college. WOW. I don't think I have had enough time with her yet. I want her to go back and grow up again so we can have more fun and more laughs. I am grateful for Madison and I think I am going to lock her in the closet so she can't grow up any more either.
This weekend we close the final book on my 7 year roller coaster. We are moving again, I call it a lay over, so we can focus on buying our own place and setting our roots in SF. I am getting to old for this packing stuff, its no fun. Life for me personally can only get better and I will stop and smell the flowers more, dance to Mamma Mia in the living room more (sorry Kennedee), jump on the bed more and lick the brownie batter out of the bowl more. I have been to the lowest of lows and to quote Reba, nothing feels as good as letting go.
I have read alot and really tried to get myself more in balance. I ran across this article and it says abuse, but I think we have all been abused in some way and it really is just about life and feeling down about ourselves.
Trust in Heavenly Father’s Love
“If you have been abused, Satan will strive to convince you that there is no solution. Yet he knows perfectly well that there is. Satan recognizes that healing comes through the unwavering love of Heavenly Father for each of His children. He also understands that the power of healing is inherent in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Therefore, his strategy is to do all possible to separate you from your Father and His Son. Do not let Satan convince you that you are beyond help.
“Satan uses your abuse to undermine your self-confidence, destroy trust in authority, create fear, and generate feelings of despair. Abuse can damage your ability to form healthy human relationships. You must have faith that all of these negative consequences can be resolved; otherwise they will keep you from full recovery. While these outcomes have powerful influence in your life, they do not define the real you.
“Satan will strive to alienate you from your Father in Heaven with the thought that if He loved you He would have prevented the tragedy. Do not be kept from the very source of true healing by the craftiness of the prince of evil and his wicked lies. Recognize that if you have feelings that you are not loved by your Father in Heaven, you are being manipulated by Satan. Even when it may seem very difficult to pray, kneel and ask Father in Heaven to give you the capacity to trust Him and to feel His love for you. Ask to come to know that His Son can heal you through His merciful Atonement.”
So here's to a new book and to a new outlook on life. I am slowing the clock so we can all enjoy life a little more and to refocus on the things that are the most important.
